What a last couple of days...

First off, let me apologize for not doing a post last night other than the headlines and inspirational reading. I was having an extremely bad day that started off wrong and went downhill with each minute that passed. I ended up going to bed fairly early with a severe tension headache that still hasn't completely gone away. So I have played catch up as much as I could today. Saturday night and part of Sunday morning brought some severe weather into Indiana. Chris and I were lucky enough to just have some wind damage and our power went out for a little bit. Nothing to be too worried over except that it made it difficult to sleep through the night. Therefore I was late with the headlines and all. I managed to get most of what is fast becoming my routine done when I started to get a really bad headache. I mean it was a bad one. I eventually had to crawl into the bed and put a pillow over my eyes to keep out the light and put on light instrumental music. Unfortunately it also meant that I didn't get to do all I had planned yesterday either. Truth be told, I'm a little glad that I got the headache as I needed to stop and think about what all was going on around me. There's a lot of family issues regarding my grandmother who is dependent on the care others give her right now. There has been a lot of anger and frustration at what she has had to endure because the person who is in charge of her finances and health care seems to want to just put my grandmother somewhere and forget about her. I will get a chance to see my grandmother for myself tomorrow morning after I pick my mother up from work. Everyone's been telling me not to go and see her like she is because it's a shock. Well, nothing's going to make me stop loving my grandmother, no matter if she's the same person now as she was then or not. Most times I want to just scream or hit something when I hear that she's been left to rot away when I can do nothing about it. Now that my grandmother is back in my hometown, I have the access to her that I didn't have before. I will make sure that no one does the same thing to her again.

That aside, I had hoped to spend the day with Chris because I wasn't sure how many weekends he would be able to have off now that we are approaching holiday season. My nephew had stayed with us on Saturday night to help Chris with yardwork during Sunday's sunshine after the storm came through. I didn't get to spend as much time as I had wanted, but it was nice that we did have some time to sit and talk about things that meant a lot to each of us. By the end of the day, my headache had gotten worse so he opted to play his computer game while I slept. Today I awoke to the remnants of that headache. I'm sure the stress level is still quite high. The only other thing I can attribute that headache to would also be the change in barometric pressure. Whenever it goes up and down in severe increments, I feel it in my joints. In fact, they were quite swollen last night and this morning when I woke up. I have managed to go through and pick up the bedroom and living room areas with no problem. Also was able to get a couple loads of laundry done. It's usually always this way after I take my Enbrel shot on Friday. Saturday I feel like I have a cold for a little while and by the time Monday rolls around, I feel much better. It starts to wear off around Wednesday or Thursday night. This also the time of year when I have the most trouble wanting to do things because of the weather changes. It sucks but it's become a fact of life over the past ten years. So funny how years ago, I was able to walk down two city blocks and back with no trouble. Now, I'm lucky to get around one block without having to stop.

I was asked once how I can get through the day with all that has been on my plate. In truth, I'm not sure myself sometimes. I have a faith that has kept me waking up in the morning and sleeping at night. I don't think that whenever I have asked and truly needed something that my faith hasn't helped me to get what I need or where I need to go. I have had time to sit back and look at the world through different eyes. I'm so glad about that because I know people that I've grown up with who haven't learned the simplest of lessons yet and are miserable, struggling in this world to make sense of things. That doesn't mean that I don't have days when I want to curl up in my bed and never leave because I know what lies ahead for me. I still have those moments where I resent being put in this position. I have had parts of my life stolen from me by this disease. Yet at the same time, I've had experiences given to me that I would never have gotten to take part in had I not had PA. I accept my limitations and I don't let them define who I am. At the same time I do have days where I mourn the simple tasks that I can no longer do myself. Before I was on the Enbrel shots, I would have had to have help when taking a shower, washing my hair and even brushing my hair. I could not tie my own shoes or put on socks some days. Now, I'm able to sit here at this computer for up to two hours sometimes before I have to stop what I'm doing and rest. I'm able to do laundry and dust the furniture some days. It's been a long hard road, one that hasn't ended just yet. I'm going to ride it out as long as I can. I hope that I can make it enjoyable for all those out there who are riding alongside me.

Until next time,
Kim