As The Weather Turns...
Here we go again, Indiana. The weather has changed again. Lol, now it is beginning to feel more and more like November around here. It has turned much colder here within the last few hours. The darkness of sunset comes earlier and earlier. I know that at times I'll look at the clock and think, "It feels more like 2am than 10:30pm." I guess winter really has come to Indiana. Heck, we're getting rain right now, but I lay money that it'll be more like ice come morning time. I know that I will be feeling a little more on the tired and hurty side of things. I'm hoping that the Enbrel will help me to have a little more energy and not as much pain.
Things here are a little bit more on the good side. My family troubles have started to slow down as I have become more comfortable with the fact that I don't have to put myself through the wringer all the time just so that someone else can breathe easier. I need some of that breathing space for myself, as selfish as it is. My mom and dad are going over every other day and sometimes every day to see my grandmother. She now feels a little bit better at being back here. There's still an underlying fear that if she does something wrong, she'll be sent back up to the nursing home in Greenwood. I don't think that my mother or myself will ever let that happen again. Truth be told, my mother and even myself have received some grief over the fact that we haven't spent as much time taking care of my grandmother as some other family members. What those people who complain about it fail to realize is t hat we were dealing with caring for my brother who was in and out of the hospital over 20 times in the past ten years. 15 of those visits were with him on a ventilator fighting for his life. I spent two years of my life over at my mom's caring for him after he was out of the hospital because he was so weak, then I found out that my liver was messed up due to my medicine. Once I get myself squared away and almost taking care of this blasted disease to the point where I can lead a semi-regular life, Chris is diagnosed with cancer. And in between all this, we've lost some people who were special to us. But no. That doesn't matter as much as those who have taken care of my grandmother. Geez, whatever. I'd gladly trade places with those who only had to help her out and take care of her. I'd love to see how they would have handled all that I've gone through. It makes me sad to see that they want the glory and sympathy of caring for someone. Other than that we're doing okay. Chris and I have made a compromise. He's going to try working on talking to me about the things he's feeling or thinking of instead of keeping them locked up inside and then shoving me away. I'm going to try and stop letting myself go. That doesn't mean I have to become some sort of girlie girl or anything. Just not letting myself lay around when I know I am able of doing things.
For now, I'm off of the computer. It's actually storming here right now. Take care!
Until next time,
Kim
Things here are a little bit more on the good side. My family troubles have started to slow down as I have become more comfortable with the fact that I don't have to put myself through the wringer all the time just so that someone else can breathe easier. I need some of that breathing space for myself, as selfish as it is. My mom and dad are going over every other day and sometimes every day to see my grandmother. She now feels a little bit better at being back here. There's still an underlying fear that if she does something wrong, she'll be sent back up to the nursing home in Greenwood. I don't think that my mother or myself will ever let that happen again. Truth be told, my mother and even myself have received some grief over the fact that we haven't spent as much time taking care of my grandmother as some other family members. What those people who complain about it fail to realize is t hat we were dealing with caring for my brother who was in and out of the hospital over 20 times in the past ten years. 15 of those visits were with him on a ventilator fighting for his life. I spent two years of my life over at my mom's caring for him after he was out of the hospital because he was so weak, then I found out that my liver was messed up due to my medicine. Once I get myself squared away and almost taking care of this blasted disease to the point where I can lead a semi-regular life, Chris is diagnosed with cancer. And in between all this, we've lost some people who were special to us. But no. That doesn't matter as much as those who have taken care of my grandmother. Geez, whatever. I'd gladly trade places with those who only had to help her out and take care of her. I'd love to see how they would have handled all that I've gone through. It makes me sad to see that they want the glory and sympathy of caring for someone. Other than that we're doing okay. Chris and I have made a compromise. He's going to try working on talking to me about the things he's feeling or thinking of instead of keeping them locked up inside and then shoving me away. I'm going to try and stop letting myself go. That doesn't mean I have to become some sort of girlie girl or anything. Just not letting myself lay around when I know I am able of doing things.
For now, I'm off of the computer. It's actually storming here right now. Take care!
Until next time,
Kim
posted by Kim @ 7:29 PM
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