Grey clouds on a clear day

That's what it feels like here anyway. Yesterday I had company, my youngest brother and his girlfriend came over for a few hours. It was fun to hang out and just talk because it's hard to do that when they live so far away. We paid for dinner since they had to drive a long way to get here and gas prices are incredible. Chris had stayed home from work with his hands bothering him again. I seriously started to worry whether I should call the oncologist or not. Instead, I called the family doctor and made an appointment for today (4/20). I didn't sleep much last night because I was worried and also the dog had to go outside four times to pee! I wasn't going to go with Chris to the doctor because I had only had a few hours of sleep. Yet something in his eyes convinced me that he needed me to be there. So I got dressed and went with him. The family doctor listened to the symptoms both Chris and I told him and examined his hands. The doctor was concerned because although Chris could have some arthritis in his hands, both of them wouldn't be affected at the same time and so severely that his use of them became limited. He gave us some medications to help with the inflammation and the nerve pain before telling us that it was really important that Chris go to see Dr. Gray, his oncologist, to get to the bottom of what was going on with Chris' hands.

That worries me, a lot. I don't know if this is a result of the Rituxan or if this is something new being caused by the cancer in some sneaky way. I fear it's the cancer coming back. That's just the feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach and I can't shake it. I try to force the thoughts out of my head because I don't want to give those negative thoughts any more power than they currently have, yet they still find a way to sneak into my mind. Facing another battle with cancer is scary but we beat it before. I'm not going to give up until the end. My faith will carry me all the way through this. She's never let me down before and I don't intend to give up on Her while She still gives me strength.

Chris is sleeping now peacefully due to the strength of the medications he had to take. I'm going to sit here and work on my emails and postings that I have gotten behind on thanks in part to my company (although I'm not complaining, lol) and just wanting to be outside. The weather here has been nice enough that it doesn't hurt me to sit out on the porch and read or write letters. There's been just enough breeze to make it wonderful. It looks like it may rain later in the week. We don't really need it with all the water coming from the northern half of Indiana. But it does make the flowers seem prettier.

I'm off to work on emails before I'm unable to type much longer. Please tell those you love how much they mean to you. Life is too precious and often too short to not say what's on your heart. Yeah, it's times like this that remind me how much of a part those I love and cherish play in my life. You are all loved.

Love and blessings,
Kim