One year ago today

I truly can't believe that so much has happened within a year. So many good days and bad ones have been lived through. So many tears have been shed and laughter ringing in the house. If ever my life felt like a roller coaster ride, it has been within these last two years of my life. On this day last year, Chris and I got the best news ever. He was cancer-free! To this day he has still maintained the cancer-free status even though the oncologist wanted him to take some chemotherapy as a maintainence program to ensure that the cancer didn't come back. In a way I wished that Chris hadn't taken that month of extra chemo because we wouldn't be waiting for the effects to wear off as we are today. But the past can't be changed, even with the strongest of wishes. So we're getting to the point where his short-term disability through work is nearing an end and he'll have to go back whether he's feeling completely up to it or not. I wish that he wouldn't have to be in so much pain everyday. He is getting better with each day that passes but there's still a lot of pain. I'm so proud of how he's getting up and doing things as though he was already back at work to get his body used to doing it. He's strying so hard to make things go a little bit better than what they are for us. I can't ask for more than that.

It's times like these that make me feel really depressed. I feel more worthless than anything because of the limitations that this type of arthritis has given me to work with over the past ten years. If I didn't have this arthritis, more than likely Chris and I would be able to get through this rough patch with ease because I'd be able to hold down a job and bring in more money than just waiting for my benefits every month. Believe me, I'm very, very greatful that I am at least getting those benefits every month. But I know that if I were able to work a job, I'd be bringing in a bit more than what I'm receiving. Quite honestly, if it weren't for our friends and my parents, I think we'd be living in our car for a while or with my mom and dad even though their house is smaller than ours by far. I just wish I could do more, I guess.

Today was a slow moving day. The minutes seemed to crawl by instead of going at their usual pace. I worked on a bit of my novel today as well as the second one that I have going. I sort of work both of them by going back and forth whenever my interest wanes in working on one. I'm surprised that I haven't mixed them up as of yet! The last few weeks I have had a thousand and one stories going through my mind but I can't seem to get them all down before they run back out. I catch what I can and go from there. I've been reading a lot lately as well. With all the stress and worry I have, I'm just looking to escape I guess. I was able to spend some fun times with my niece before she went back to school. It started here today so I'm thinking my niece and nephews will be tired of school before long. I have been trying to do some cleaning as well but it's taking a bit longer than I thought it would. I have candles lit for a few friends of mine who aren't well. Please keep my friend, "J", in your thoughts.

Love and blessings,
Kim