The Stiffness Continues...
Indeed it does. I'm trying to stay focused on being positive but it's getting harder to do that with each day that passes. I'm also trying not to dwell on a few things and yet I don't know how to fix them other than to write them out and get other people's opinions. In the past few months, I have had a lot of old friends come back into my life. I have genuinely missed having contact with these people because I love them dearly. Yet, as I'm not holding things about myself back anymore, I think I'm losing some of them. Yeah, I know that because I don't have children or a job, my life is pretty steady in the boring department. My disease makes things difficult when trying to get together as well because I never know what I'm going to feel like the next day until I wake up. What bothers me the most is the fact that a few of these people have told me that no matter what, they would always be my friends. Yet it seems that now they're in a rush to not talk to me. It hurts because even though I'm not able to do a lot, I still try and email once every so often or send little things just because it's easier to copy/paste than to type a lot out at times. I know it sounds childish to be upset by something like that, but I do feel upset. I give all of myself to each of my friends even though there are times when I'm stretched too far and forget to leave a little bit for myself. But that's because I believe everyone deserves to have a loyal, faithful and loving friend. It just makes me sad because there are a few I thought felt the same about me that apparently don't now.
At any rate, I'm going to try not to dwell on that. I know it will just make me sad. With the amount of pain I'm feeling today, I don't really need anything else to make me depressed. My brother, Billy, is still in the hospital. They're not sure why his kidneys aren't working as well as they should and also suspect some problem with his bladder. I'm not sure when he's going to get out of the hospital but I hope it's soon. I know all too well just how boring it can be! My other brother, Andy, has been busy doing his wrestling thing. Seems like every time I'm asleep or doing something, he calls me. Without long distance, I don't get to call him back often. I miss hanging out with him and his girlfriend, Tami. Hopefully they will be able to come up here soon to hang out for a bit. My great grandmother was basically given some medication to help fight whatever infection she has and made comfortable. I'm not sure that she's going to be around for much longer, to be very honest. I do know that she's 97 years old and hasn't been in good health for a while. Being made comfortable is probably the only thing the doctors could do for her at this time. *sighs* I just don't know what to do or think anymore.
I'm happy that I'm still making headway on my goal for reading books this year. I still think I set the goal a little too high but I'm still reading until the very last minute of this year. Fortunately I'm re-reading all the books I love so it won't be too hard to get wrapped within a story and read for hours on end. It also helps to fuel my writing muse so that I am more apt to write than to push my stories off to the side. One of my stories is really coming along while the one I thought I'd finish first is just sitting on the back burner. Not literally, but you know what I mean. Lol, the other thing that gets to me is the fact that I get the most of my story ideas when I'm just about to fall asleep. It never fails to happen. I'll write until I start to fall asleep with pen in hand and then put my stuff away. Once my head gets near that pillow, I get the opening lines of stories or plot ideas will linger. Sometimes the ideas turn into my dreams. They are so vivid that I swear I can taste the food before me or feel the cold metal of the silverware. When I wake up, I can sometimes write down the dreams and they turn into stories themselves. So who knows what will happen with them? I surely don't but I'm going to ride the wave of them because that's what is in my blood to do - write.
Today I'm going to do a little bit of dishes that I'm able to do and probably read or write some more. I don't feel as though I will be up to doing any more than that. Of course I still have to do my stretches. I do believe that it's getting to be a regular habit to do either the stretches or the 5 minute walks every other day and then rest on Sundays. I'm making progress, that's the good thing. I sincerely hope that every one of my friends know that I do love them and I keep them in my thoughts always. I may not be able to write emails or letters and send them off. But I do care and I miss each and every one of you. I hope everyone has a good day. Stay cool as possible.
Love and blessings,
Kim
At any rate, I'm going to try not to dwell on that. I know it will just make me sad. With the amount of pain I'm feeling today, I don't really need anything else to make me depressed. My brother, Billy, is still in the hospital. They're not sure why his kidneys aren't working as well as they should and also suspect some problem with his bladder. I'm not sure when he's going to get out of the hospital but I hope it's soon. I know all too well just how boring it can be! My other brother, Andy, has been busy doing his wrestling thing. Seems like every time I'm asleep or doing something, he calls me. Without long distance, I don't get to call him back often. I miss hanging out with him and his girlfriend, Tami. Hopefully they will be able to come up here soon to hang out for a bit. My great grandmother was basically given some medication to help fight whatever infection she has and made comfortable. I'm not sure that she's going to be around for much longer, to be very honest. I do know that she's 97 years old and hasn't been in good health for a while. Being made comfortable is probably the only thing the doctors could do for her at this time. *sighs* I just don't know what to do or think anymore.
I'm happy that I'm still making headway on my goal for reading books this year. I still think I set the goal a little too high but I'm still reading until the very last minute of this year. Fortunately I'm re-reading all the books I love so it won't be too hard to get wrapped within a story and read for hours on end. It also helps to fuel my writing muse so that I am more apt to write than to push my stories off to the side. One of my stories is really coming along while the one I thought I'd finish first is just sitting on the back burner. Not literally, but you know what I mean. Lol, the other thing that gets to me is the fact that I get the most of my story ideas when I'm just about to fall asleep. It never fails to happen. I'll write until I start to fall asleep with pen in hand and then put my stuff away. Once my head gets near that pillow, I get the opening lines of stories or plot ideas will linger. Sometimes the ideas turn into my dreams. They are so vivid that I swear I can taste the food before me or feel the cold metal of the silverware. When I wake up, I can sometimes write down the dreams and they turn into stories themselves. So who knows what will happen with them? I surely don't but I'm going to ride the wave of them because that's what is in my blood to do - write.
Today I'm going to do a little bit of dishes that I'm able to do and probably read or write some more. I don't feel as though I will be up to doing any more than that. Of course I still have to do my stretches. I do believe that it's getting to be a regular habit to do either the stretches or the 5 minute walks every other day and then rest on Sundays. I'm making progress, that's the good thing. I sincerely hope that every one of my friends know that I do love them and I keep them in my thoughts always. I may not be able to write emails or letters and send them off. But I do care and I miss each and every one of you. I hope everyone has a good day. Stay cool as possible.
Love and blessings,
Kim
posted by Kim @ 10:11 AM
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