I've been a bad, bad girl...
Nope, not in that way! I just haven't updated my blog at all for over a week. I have felt really bad about not updating it either. But with all that has happened, I had to take a little rest from the internet and focus on getting a bit better. I have been checking my emails and all a little bit before today, just not done much in the way of blog stuff. I do apologize that it has been so long. Now on to what has kept me away from here for the past week or so. The Monday after Father's Day, I was awakened by a phone call early in the morning from my mom telling me that my brother, Billy, was coughing up blood and she had called the ambulance. She needed someone to come over and keep the dog out of the paramedics' way as well as to drive her over to the hospital after the ambulance was on its way there. This was definitely not the way I had wanted to be awakened. It had been nearly three years since Billy had to go to the hospital for coughing up blood or Lupus related problems. I woke Chris and we hurriedly got dressed before racing out of the house and over to her house. When I walked in, Billy was still coughing up some blood so I shooed Mom away from him. That way she could get dressed and things ready to go. I also wanted to keep Billy from freaking out. Off we went to the hospital where the doctors determined that it wasn't his lungs they were concerned about, but the fact his kidneys had shut down again causing the toxins in his blood to rise to a dangerously high level. Billy's blood was too thin to consider dialysis at that very moment, so they had to start getting his blood to thicken. Meanwhile, I made the obligatory phone calls, took Chris from Mom's house to our own house, and grabbed a book and things to do while sitting in the waiting room.
When I returned the hospital, my dad had gotten into town from work, and we did the waiting thing. That has to be the worst part about anything ~ the waiting. Finally Mom came out to say that they were taking him to ICU and that they couldn't wait any longer to do dailysis whether his blood was thickened enough or not. The toxin level was too high. Thankfully over the next couple of days, his body responded well to the dialysis. In fact, he was moved to a regular room in the hospital by that Tuesday night. Wednesday, I took Mom to the hospital and decided to stick around to pester Billy for a little bit. His kidney doctors confirmed that the Lupus had NOT gone to his kidneys and that he basically has really touchy kidneys. They are going to work on finding a balace between his water pills and fluid intack. I was also there when the pulminary doctor came into his room. Tuesday, Billy had an echocaridogram done. The results showed that there was some possible damage to the right side of his heart. They had done everything they could except for a heart catheterization. The doctor did not want to perform that because Billy's body has been through a lot of trauma over the past ten, almost eleven, years. He's been on the ventilator 15 times, had several blood clots in his lungs and has ballooned in weight due to being on prescription steriods (Prednisone). With all those factors combined, the doctor was really concerned about doing it. If anything, no matter how small, had gone wrong with the procedure, the doctor was almost certain that Billy would not pull through. His body was just too weak from everything at that time. Needless to say, I came home Wednesday evening, very scared that I was going to lose my little brother. I did email everyone to let them know what was going on and then I sat in my "sacred space" to meditate and focus on sending healing energies his way.
I have spent much of the past five years trying to come to terms with all that has happened in my life as well as the impact Billy's sickness has had on my life. It's not always been bad and yet it's not always been good. I will say that if things hadn't gone the way they have, I would not be the person I am today. He's taught me that no matter what life throws at you, there's always a choice to make the day a good one or a bad one. I try to not let the things I go through everyday make me a bitter person so that I can spread a little laughter and smiles around to others who are having a not so good day. Throughout everything, he's kept smiling and making other laugh because it makes him feel good. That's not to say he doesn't have those days or moments when he gets down over all that has happened. I think anyone who doesn't feel depressed over major things aren't allowing themselves to really feel what's going on with them. It's a natural feeling. It's one more thing that my brother and I share in this world. It has also given me the courage to be who I am meant to be. That means going against the perceived "norms" that society has when it comes my beliefs and my desires for my life. The fact that they have brought me good things thus far and given me hope in the darkest hours of my life only reinforces what I have felt all along. I held on to that faith and had a couple friends bonk me in the head to get me back to reality of the situation (thanks guys!) and spent most of the day at the hospital on Thursday last week.
The procedure was scheduled to be done at 10 a.m. but there were a few emergency heart surgeries that had to be done. Therefore, Billy's heart cath wasn't done until after 4 p.m. that day. The one bad thing was the thunderstorm that rolled through just as he was sent down to the surgery department. After about 45 minutes, the surgeon came out and talked to my parents and I about the procedure and how it went. Once they got into the procedure, everything did go smoothly. Not only that but the surgeon was unable to find anything wrong with Billy's heart. The structures looked awesome and there wasn't a big difference in the pressure created when the heart pumps. There was a small bit of high pressure in the lowest portion of Billy's lungs which the doctors expected with all that has gone on in the past few years. Within a few days after that procedure, Billy was well enough to come home. He's been doing great every since. I am hoping that this last hospital trip was a wake-up call for him to get moving and get healthy. I need to do the same thing and I have been making small changes and sticking to them. It's a good thing all the way around. It took me a few days to recover from sitting out at the hospital. My feet and hands were really swollen. So now I'm able to keep up with what I'm supposed to be doing. I hope that all of you out there know I have been keeping you all in my thoughts and hoping that good things are coming your way. Hang in there.
Love and blessings,
Kim
When I returned the hospital, my dad had gotten into town from work, and we did the waiting thing. That has to be the worst part about anything ~ the waiting. Finally Mom came out to say that they were taking him to ICU and that they couldn't wait any longer to do dailysis whether his blood was thickened enough or not. The toxin level was too high. Thankfully over the next couple of days, his body responded well to the dialysis. In fact, he was moved to a regular room in the hospital by that Tuesday night. Wednesday, I took Mom to the hospital and decided to stick around to pester Billy for a little bit. His kidney doctors confirmed that the Lupus had NOT gone to his kidneys and that he basically has really touchy kidneys. They are going to work on finding a balace between his water pills and fluid intack. I was also there when the pulminary doctor came into his room. Tuesday, Billy had an echocaridogram done. The results showed that there was some possible damage to the right side of his heart. They had done everything they could except for a heart catheterization. The doctor did not want to perform that because Billy's body has been through a lot of trauma over the past ten, almost eleven, years. He's been on the ventilator 15 times, had several blood clots in his lungs and has ballooned in weight due to being on prescription steriods (Prednisone). With all those factors combined, the doctor was really concerned about doing it. If anything, no matter how small, had gone wrong with the procedure, the doctor was almost certain that Billy would not pull through. His body was just too weak from everything at that time. Needless to say, I came home Wednesday evening, very scared that I was going to lose my little brother. I did email everyone to let them know what was going on and then I sat in my "sacred space" to meditate and focus on sending healing energies his way.
I have spent much of the past five years trying to come to terms with all that has happened in my life as well as the impact Billy's sickness has had on my life. It's not always been bad and yet it's not always been good. I will say that if things hadn't gone the way they have, I would not be the person I am today. He's taught me that no matter what life throws at you, there's always a choice to make the day a good one or a bad one. I try to not let the things I go through everyday make me a bitter person so that I can spread a little laughter and smiles around to others who are having a not so good day. Throughout everything, he's kept smiling and making other laugh because it makes him feel good. That's not to say he doesn't have those days or moments when he gets down over all that has happened. I think anyone who doesn't feel depressed over major things aren't allowing themselves to really feel what's going on with them. It's a natural feeling. It's one more thing that my brother and I share in this world. It has also given me the courage to be who I am meant to be. That means going against the perceived "norms" that society has when it comes my beliefs and my desires for my life. The fact that they have brought me good things thus far and given me hope in the darkest hours of my life only reinforces what I have felt all along. I held on to that faith and had a couple friends bonk me in the head to get me back to reality of the situation (thanks guys!) and spent most of the day at the hospital on Thursday last week.
The procedure was scheduled to be done at 10 a.m. but there were a few emergency heart surgeries that had to be done. Therefore, Billy's heart cath wasn't done until after 4 p.m. that day. The one bad thing was the thunderstorm that rolled through just as he was sent down to the surgery department. After about 45 minutes, the surgeon came out and talked to my parents and I about the procedure and how it went. Once they got into the procedure, everything did go smoothly. Not only that but the surgeon was unable to find anything wrong with Billy's heart. The structures looked awesome and there wasn't a big difference in the pressure created when the heart pumps. There was a small bit of high pressure in the lowest portion of Billy's lungs which the doctors expected with all that has gone on in the past few years. Within a few days after that procedure, Billy was well enough to come home. He's been doing great every since. I am hoping that this last hospital trip was a wake-up call for him to get moving and get healthy. I need to do the same thing and I have been making small changes and sticking to them. It's a good thing all the way around. It took me a few days to recover from sitting out at the hospital. My feet and hands were really swollen. So now I'm able to keep up with what I'm supposed to be doing. I hope that all of you out there know I have been keeping you all in my thoughts and hoping that good things are coming your way. Hang in there.
Love and blessings,
Kim
posted by Kim @ 3:41 PM
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