Ordinary Day

Today is just an ordinary day for me. Nothing too special about it yet it's not filled with boredom either. We had three or four good sized thunderstorms come through our state yesterday. In fact, there were reports of a tornado to the south of where I live. They haven't been confirmed yet but I'm glad that there weren't many hurt from it, no matter if it's declared a tornado or not. Today it's still a little on the humid side but not too bad. Nice enough to sit out on the screened porch and watch the little birds fly in and out of the yard without having to fan myself. I woke up around eight this morning. Odd for me since I've been sleeping until ten or eleven. I believe I'm starting to get back on my sleep schedule. Yay! Insomnia and odd sleeping schedules don't help me when I have so many things to get down around this house. Seems as though it never ends. Housework, I mean. I don't plan on doing a lot today. I am going to work on my writing for a bit and let Chris use the computer for the most part today. If it doesn't rain later this afternoon/early evening, I may try and weed the flower bed and tend to the rose bushes we planted a few weeks ago. We did put a weed barrier down, but some sneaky weeds have begun to grow.

As you can tell from my last few posts, I've been doing a lot of self-evaluating here lately. Trying to figure out where I stand on what matters most to me and also trying to figure out why I let things happen they way they do. It may not sound that exciting but for me, it is a huge step out of my comfort zone. I've been living a life filled with stress and physical/emotional pain due to the fact that I have been trying to please everyone in my life except for myself. I have left me out of knowing who I am. That's why I have been rambling and trying to pull myself into focus. I need to find myself and live my life the way it was intended for me to live. I'm extremely scared that I will lose the love and acceptance of family members and some close friends. But I know that the little things that make up the whole me are just that. Little things. If someone is willing to not talk to me or take part in my life because they disagree with something I believe in or do, then they were never really wanting to be in my life for me. Before I had to stop my counselling due to financial reasons, the counselor and I were talking about doing things for myself and bringing myself out of this hermit-like place I built so that I didn't have to associate with people. One of the things I was supposed to do was to do something out of the house once a week. There have been several things that have kept me from doing that particular exercise. Not all of them have been important either. I was and am stalling. Why? Because seeing myself excel and fly away from this way of living will take away my excuses.

Does that make sense? I hope it does. Not everything that rambles through this mind of mine makes sense, even to me. If you out there have some suggestions, feel free to comment and let me know. I do appreciate them. Hope each of you has a wonderful day wherever you are. Take care!

Love and blessings,
Kim