Never alone....

Yesterday was a tough day for me in a lot of ways. Yet when I opened up my email, I had a lot of people write to me and that made me feel better. I knew then that I wasn't alone even though I don't have all my friends physically here with me and by my side as I go through things, they are here with me in spirit and love. That makes a difference when the days seem so cold and dark. I'm eternally grateful to those friends who seem so much closer to me than across the nation or even the ocean. I hope that I'm making my friends feel the same way even though I haven't been online much in the past week other than to do this blog and maybe catch up on a few emails at a time. It does make me feel sad that I can't give more to my friends than what I do. I really want to be there for each and everyone of them because they mean a lot to me. Let me just state for the record that no matter what reason or what may happen, I don't let go of friends easily. If I'm not online for long periods of time, it just means that there's a lot going on behind the scenes and I'm just not able to get to the computer except for small amounts of time. That is the reason I started this blog here. This way people kinda have an insight into what's going on and what's keeping me away from them without them having to spend money to call me long distance or send me things in the mail or email. :)

As I said, yesterday was hard for me for a few reasons. When I woke up, I knew it was going to be a dark day, so to speak. It was just the feeling I had when I first opened my eyes. The weather is changing from summer into fall here so my days of pain are going to increase dramatically as the barometric pressure goes up and down according to the fronts that move through the United States. My joints were achey and my feet were so tender and painful that it hurt to walk to the bathroom. But I knew we needed to get to the grocery store. Chris and I had been putting it off for about a month and were just living on the odd assortment of things we had here in the house to throw together. Lol, believe me, some of our creations aren't worth remembering or passing along recipes. We went to the Sam's Club to get some stuff in bulk that we knew we needed to last the next month or so. Then we came home to rest for about an hour before going to the other grocery store to pick up the perishable stuff like milk, eggs and other stuff. The walks through the store were horrible. I was really limping by the time I got out of the second store. But I was able to get most of what I wanted within the amount of money I had set aside for groceries. So I'd say that was a success. I got stuff to make little strawberry shortcakes tonight as well some lasagna. I'll probably have Chris help me because I don't think I can stand in there too long on my feet.

I felt really depressed yesterday as well because I was missing a lot of people that I haven't chatted with in a long time as well as thinking about people in my family that have chosen to do stupid things so that I don't have anything to do with them anymore. I know that it's my choice not to call or associate with them, but I made the choice because their actions, or lack thereof, were bringing harm and drama into my life when it didn't need to be there. Before anyone tells me that life is full of drama and harm, please know that I'm well aware of that fact given all that has gone on in my life within the past ten years. But I don't have to go over the same things that have caused hurt over and over again so that the wounds never heal either. Nor do I have to just sit back and let people get hurt at the hands of others without saying something even if it means losing contact with people I have cared for and loved for a long time. I honestly feel that I'm trapped in some situations because I took action and yet the cycle continues without a change. Today seems a bit brighter in terms of my feelings and such but I still have those lingering "what if" moments when I wonder what would have happened had I done things even a tad bit different. Nevertheless, I'm determined to make today a productive and happy one.

Chris is resting well after his first week back to work. I'm hoping that the physical therapy will continue to help him get better. It really does make me feel so horrible to see him leave for work when I know he's in so much pain. He seems to be a little bit better as he's moving around more and doing little things here and there. I'm feeling stiff and sore today. Not so much as yesterday but I know that it's going to hurt me to try and make dinner no matter how slow I do it or how well I pace myself. Would that I could cook without pain. I'd make lots of things. The only bad spot in the day was getting a phone call at 4am from my mother telling me that they had to take my brother, Billy, to the hospital because his oxygen dropped down dangerously low and he couldn't breathe. The doctors have determined that the poor guy has pnuemonia and will have to be on some strong antibiotics for a little while. But I'm glad that they caught it in time before things could have gotten out of hand as they often times do with his health. So if you could, please keep him in your thoughts/prayers. I greatly appreciate it. I'm off to check on the strawberries that I have soaking in a little bit of sugar so they make their own juices. I'll catch up with everyone later. Take care and know that you all are loved.

Love and blessings,
Kim