Hurting today

Today's post isn't going to be very long at all. I'm hurting really bad today. It's pretty much an ache that is hurting in each joint and muscle. The weather's been really grey and gloomy here as well so I'm sure that's a big part in my hurting today. A couple of sites I go to check on a few friends are doing some kind of routine maintainence. So I can't read or post as I want to. I guess it's just as well. I need to be in the bed or at the very least putting my feet up. They're pretty swollen today. I had to take my pain medication twice already today. I try not to take it because it makes me sleepy and there's so much I have to do. Ok, I really don't have to do these things but it makes me feel as though I've accomplished something when I do get the few things done. Plus I'm still behind in the Nano novel pages that I'm supposed to have written by today. Lol, so I'm going to work on those a bit before I end up falling asleep. I know I will. That's what the pain pills make me do the best....sleep.

Chris has to work today, so I'm on my own so to speak. I know we need the money but I kinda miss having him around to talk to or to just laugh and have fun with. I guess I got used to him being home with him having the chemo and all last year and the first part of this year. Life is funny sometimes. You go through each day, doing what's expected of you and never really stop to think about whether the day has been a good one full of lessons learned and smiles or a bad one that you'd just want to forget. Then one day a small little lump or a strange mark makes you worry enough to make an appointment for the doctor to check it out and run some tests. The sickness machine picks up and before you know it, you're on an operating table having the lump or tumor removed. There's no slowing down, no taking time to breathe when you're dealing with something like cancer. For Chris and I myself, time seemed to speed up when we wanted it to go slowly so we could savor those moments we had. Being in our early thirties, we never thought that we would have to deal with something as serious and as life changing as cancer. Five years into our marriage, we were having to make funeral arrangements and make out our wills. Yes, I know these are things that should be done as soon as possible because no one knows what the future holds. And yet that planning, the discussing of what might happened, scared me so bad that I had nightmares for weeks after we had finished the plans.

I guess what I'm trying to say through this haze of pain medication is that tomorrow is never promised to us. No matter how much we feel we deserve to have that extra few minutes or to see our children or grandchildren grow up, Life just doesn't work that way. It's not possible to bottle time and peek in every so often to relive memories. I love my husband, with every bit of me and I don't know how I would ever survive without him. He's been my rock for so long and I hope that I have been his when he needed one the most. When he left for work this afternoon and smiled just as he walked out the front door, it reminded me just how lucky I was to have him as my husband. He may make me want to smack him upside the head or throw pillows at him for teasing me. But I wouldn't trade him in for anything in this world. Well, maybe if Johnny Depp knocked on my door. *giggles*

I sincerely hope that everyone is having a good day/evening today. No matter what the weather or what's happening, you can always count on the fact that someone is thinking of you and wishing you the best and happiest of days. Take care out there.

Love and blessings,
Kim