A Sad Day...

The picture to the left was taken by my nephew early this morning as a part of my childhood literally went up in flames. Last night I couldn't sleep very well because the pain had increased in my shoulder and I felt as though I had something stabbing me in the area where I had felt something tear earlier this week. A little after six this morning, our power went off suddenly and completely. At first I thought we had blown all the fuses again because we have used a lot of electricity as of late with the high temperatures here in Indiana. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. I woke Chris and we both went to check the fuse box. None of the breakers had been tripped, so we walked outside to see if a transformer had caught fire or someone had driven into an electric pole. I sat on our covered porch while Chris went back inside to use the phone to check on his sister's family that lives a few streets down from us. He learned that there was a large fire not too far away. Being the adventurer he is, he hopped into the car and drove down close to where he had been told the fire was burning. Within about ten minutes he drove back home. That's when I found out one of the businesses I had grown up near as a child was on fire.

The business in question is a lumber yard, one of the oldest in the city here. When I was a little girl, my family and I lived just a block or two away from the buildings and often walked past them on our way to school. It's been in the city for nearly 40 years that I know of. When Chris came back home, I asked him to take me as close to the fire as the police would allow. The police had blocked off two streets all around the area of the fire. The main reason being that the business is located in a residential area and they feared it would spread quickly with the height of the flames. I'm just sad because this is another in a long line of things that have been forcing me to close the book on my childhood and open the new one of adulthood. There's these feelings inside that make me feel as though this is the time to do a bit of changing and become the adult I am supposed to be but I don't want to lose that childlike wonder and the hunger for knowledge. How does one meld those two aspects of one's self together and still go about living their life? I have thinking about that for a while now. Part of the reason is because I've had to grow up a bit faster than I should have given the circumstances of my family and all that we've gone through. Part of me wonders just what would my life be like if we hadn't faced those challenges. Would I have gone on to a good college and done something with myself in the corporate world or would I have found my true self within the creative minds of writers, painters, and others? What would my brothers have become had Billy not had to endure the pain and suffering he's had go through and Andy been allowed to explore all the avenues which would have been opened to him? Would we three be as close as we are now? Or would we be among the thousands who only talk to one another at holiday time, rarely acknowledging that the other existed? What would have happened with my parents? Would they have divorced over pettiness or pulled together at the last moment to really become loving to one another?

So many questions are going through my mind. After seeing the building on fire today and thinking about how it has basically become the symbol of the ending of my childhood and childlike days, I feel a bit sadder than usual. A part of me will always see the wonder and delight in things as a child would upon discovering them for the first time. I don't want to lose that part of me that finds joy in the small things this world has to offer because that wouldn't be me. Yet I know it's time to face the fact I have responsibilities as an adult now. Bills need to be paid. My house needs to be cleaned (yes, I know that I can only do so much. I have promised not to over do things any more). I'm sad to see this part of my life ending but I know that with adulthood comes more gifts to get through the rest of this life as well as new surprises and challenges. I will greet them head on with those I love by my side and my faith and experiences to lead the way before me. Thankfully I have been able to see the path before I have had to stumble onto it. Now maybe I can conquer it before I feel it conquers me.

Take care out there. Never forget to tell one another you love them.

Love and blessings,

Kim