Summer days and nights...

I must apologize to the few readers that I have out there. It has been an extremely hectic weekend and I couldn't find time to get to the computer for more than a few minutes at a time. We had a cook-out here at the house on Sunday (5/28) to celebrate Memorial Day and also the Indy 500. There was a lot that needed to be done around the house before the big day so I started working on each room about a week beforehand. I was able to do almost everything that I had on my list but as Sunday grew closer, I realized that I wasn't going to be able to do everything to the level of perfection that I had created for myself. I honestly believe that I intentionally set things so I high and above the ability level that I have just so I can berate myself when I fail. It's not a question of if I fail due to the high levels I expect from myself but how badly I have failed. I was reminded by a few people on Sunday that they didn't care if my floor hadn't been mopped or that the stove hadn't been cleaned and sparkling. They were there to spend time with me and enjoy the day. I pushed myself way more than I should have but I wanted everyone to not have to worry about anything.

While I'm proud of myself for accomplishing what I did, I'm now paying for it in pain. My feet and legs are swollen for being up on them so much in the past five days as well as doing a lot of walking to make sure all the guests were getting enough attention all the way around. My head aches, my hands are swollen and painful. I feel as though someone has put me into a blender and pressed the pulse button a few times. It'll take me a few days to completely recover. In fact, I slept late today, not waking completely until nearly 5pm. I had such a vivid dream that I woke up with tears on my face and clutching a blanket as though it was another person's arm. I hurried to the bathroom and then back into the bedroom, grabbing a pad of paper and a pen. I didn't want to let this dream go away without recording what had been in it. That's how I write a lot of the things I do. The emotions of the dream, the way the food smelled, the lighting. I can still remember bits of it. Luckily, even with my hands swollen, I was able to write down about five pages of a new story. I wrote a basic outline of the dream on a page so I could remember how the story flowed. It's really an awesome experience for me. I'm not sure exactly how I could explain how it feels in words although they are tools of my trade, so to speak.

Today was mostly hot and humid as yesterday was. I'm glad that I slept through most of it. I'm really glad that the cook-out we had wasn't set until the evening when the humidity was slowly leaving the air. For a few moments on Sunday, I actually thought it might rain. But Mother Nature took pity on us and kept the rain clouds away. There was a gentle breeze blowing through which did make the day tolerable. The kids came over, providing us with endless entertainment. Conversation flowed over good food and drinks. So the cook-out was awesome. I wish I could have more of them. Just gotta get the planning thing down a little better. Today I'm playing catch up from not doing much on the computer. It was worth it a way but I feel guilty for not at least emailing my friends. Hope that you all are staying cool wherever you are.

Love and blessings,
Kim

Health Headlines 5/25/06

Men In Their 40s With Raised Risk Of Prostate Cancer: What's Their Risk Of Developing Prostate Cancer If Initial PSA Is Below The Median (0.7 NG/ML) ~ Click here.

Selenium-protein Deficiency Raises Prostate Cancer Risk ~ Click here.

Immune Signals Of Variations Of A Single Gene Linked To More Severe Crohn's Disease ~ Click here.

New Genetic Test For Breast Cancer ~ Click here.

Blood Pressure Drugs Associated With Reduced Risk Of Esophageal, Pancreatic And Colon Cancers ~ Click here.

Fertility Options And The Impact Of Cancer Therapy On Patients' Fertility Prior To Initiating Therapy ~ Click here.

Androgen Deprivation Therapy Associated With A Significant Risk Of De Novo Diabetes Mellitus And Worsening Glycemic Control In Diabetic Patients ~ Click here.

Research Reveals Control Of Potent Immune Regulator ~ Click here.

A Gene Predisposing To Pituitary Tumors Identified ~ Click here.

Listening To Music Can Reduce Chronic Pain And Depression By Up To A Quarter ~ Click here.

Just thinking

I realized yesterday just how much I missed doing my blog. I know that it didn't seem like I wrote a lot when I did my updates, but it was a lot for me to sit here and type it all out. I haven't been feeling at my best for the past couple of days. I have been off my enbrel for almost three months and I can definitely tell. I hurt all over, aches and sometimes stabbing pains, and feel so tired all the time. All I want to do is sleep even though I have a lot on my plate to get done. I feel like I walking through sludge. I am not sure when I will be able to take my enbrel again but I hope that it is very soon. It's all because I had a blood clot in my lung back in the end of January/beginning of Feburary. My rheumy and I both believe that it was more on the part of genetics than medication that caused me to have a blood clot but the company that makes the enbrel shot wants to do more research on it before they will feel comfortable enough to let me continue taking the medication. I can tell just how much it had helped me within these past few months. The increase in energy and the decrease in pain and stiffness had been so gradual that I truly didn't know it was happening. Now I know it did happen. I wish I could have it back again.

Been thinking about how I was just four years ago. The pain had really been unbearable but in the end, I grew to tolerate high rates of the pain. Not really a good thing due to the fact that I only feel the pain when things have gotten out of control without a way to catch them and/or prevent them from going further. I have been doing a lot of questioning in the "what if" department. Something someone said to me really got me down a few days ago. I had been talking about martial stuff and the fact that because Chris had this reaction to chemo, we've not had sex in a long time. The person told me that really shouldn't matter whether we did or not as Chris and I weren't going to have children. I asked why they had said that. Their answer was that if we're were going to have children, we would have already had one or two by now due to the fact Chris and I have been together for nearly ten years. It struck me hard because of two reasons. One, I was pregnant and I ended up having an eutopic pregnancy. That meant I had to terminate the pregnancy because the baby was developing in the fallopian tubes instead of the womb. It would have led to both the death of the baby and myself. It's something that has haunted me for the past eight years. Two, I never said that I didn't want children. As it stands right now, neither Chris nor myself would be able physically to take care of a baby. An older child, maybe but not a newborn. It hurts me that others would make such stupid assumptions just because I haven't done what everyone else has. Had I been able to choose every little thing, I would most definitely choose not to have this disease and to have a life complete with children, a family that doesn't fight or use each other for personal gain, and enough money that I wouldn't have to worry whether I can eat or pay bills.

Okay, enough of the mini-rants. It's just been that kind of day today. The weather seems to be shifting here and all my emotions are on edge. I'm tired and aching in nearly every joint. That seems to make things worse for me. I try my hardest not to take my frustrations and hurt out on people that don't deserve it which means I take it out on myself. I need to find a release that won't harm anyone or anything including myself. Writing does help but there are times when I still feel frustrated and restless even after a marathon session of writing. Any suggestions? Feel free to leave some in the comments. Hope everyone has a good day nonetheless.

Love and blessings,
Kim

Health Headlines 5/23/06

New Study Shows Novel Therapy May Produce Early Remission In Crohn's Patients ~ Click here.

New Study Demonstrates That Prostate-Specific Membrane Antigen (PSMA) Expression Predicts Prostate Cancer Recurrence ~ Click here.

Cysteine Containing Chewing Gum Developed In Finland Is Hoped To Become A New Way For The Prevention Of Upper Digestive Tract Cancers ~ Click here.

CMS To Shift Focus To Increasing Medicare Beneficiaries' Use Of Preventive Care Services, McClellan Says ~ Click here.

Good Physical Function Linked To Alzheimer's Delay - Research Suggests Mind-body Connection ~ Click here.

Hello Again

Yes, I realize that it's been an extremely long time since I have posting anything. I had hoped to do this update before now, but life just doesn't go as planned a lot of the time. Let's start with the long update, shall we?

I believe I have written about what was going on with Chris but I'll do a recap, just in case. He was having some problems with his hands toward the beginning of April after having a month of chemotherapy in March. We finally figured out, with the help of his oncologist, that he was having a rare reaction to the chemotherapy. Essentially this reaction caused both of his hands and both wrists to develop severe arthritis. The family doctor had given him Celebrex to bring down the inflammation, however, the medicine made his symptoms worse. The oncologist ran some bloodwork to verify what he suspected and then gave Chris a prescription for pain medication and time off from work to let the chemotherapy drugs work their way out of his system. We are now nearing the end of the month of May and we're having some difficulty getting his short term disability benefits. But I'm hopeful that the issues will resolve themselves soon.

Another bump in the road, so to speak, was the fact that my brother, Billy, had to spend a few days in the hospital. He had gone to his internalist for an ordinary appointment. The internalist noticed that something wasn't right and sent Billy on out to the hospital as a precaution. Good thing because during the night my mom called me to tell me that he was being transferred to the Intensive Care Unit because his blood pressure had dropped down to 45/15 and he wasn't responding to measures they were taking to stablize him weren't working quick enough. His doctors looked through his chart. There they found a pattern of him going into the hospital every 2 years for the past eight because his kidneys have nearly shut down. Therefore, tests are being ran to determine whether or not the Lupus he has in his lungs has actually moved to his kidneys. He was sent home a few days later with a catheter to ensure that his bladder and kidneys continued to work until he saw the kidney doctor. He's looking as though he's better, but we all know that looks can be deceiving.

My other younger brother, Andy, been steady working on getting further along the path toward his dream of becoming a professional wrestler. He's doing very well in my opinion and I do hope to see him make it big one of these days. I just wish that he didn't have to worry over money and such at this point. I keep both him and his girlfriend in my thoughts.

As for me, I don't know what I'm doing right now. There's so many things on my mind and not enough time in the day to get them out. I have reconnected with a lot of dear friends that I had lost touch with in the past few years. It's been a blessing to catch up with them. There are a few that feel awkward because of unresolved issues. I hope that in time those issues will disappear and we can have the close relationship that we had years ago. For now, I have been writing just a little. I need to finish the re-write of the Alan Smith novel but I have been putting it off for some reason. My other two are coming along slowly. This past weekend I didn't write at all except for journalling because we had the nephew with us. We all worked on the front yard, removing bushes and planting rose bushes in the front. I'll have to take some pictures when they start to bloom. As far as my reading goal, I do fear I'm not going to make it to 50 by June, but I'm still working on it. Not giving up until the bitter end.

Before I go off to catch up on emails and other things, just wanted to ask all of you out there that read this blog (I know it's not many) to please pray for a friend of mine. I will call him "J" since I would ask permission before putting his name out in my blog. His nephew and friends were involved in a car accident last week that ending in tragedy. So much sadness and sorrow as these guys were still in their teens. Light a candle, say a prayer, or send healing and positive engeries their way, please.

Love and blessings,
Kim

Daily Inspiration

A Friend
By Unknown Author

(A)ccepts you as you are
(B)elieves in "you"
(C)alls you just to say "HI"
(D)oesn't give up on you
(E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
(F)orgives your mistakes
(G)ives unconditionally
(H)elps you
(I)nvites you over
(J)ust "be" with you
(K)eeps you close at heart
(L)oves you for who you are
(M)akes a difference in your life
(N)ever Judges
(O)ffer support
(P)icks you up
(Q)uiets your fears
(R)aises your spirits
(S)ays nice things about you
(T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it
(U)nderstands you
(V)alues you
(W)alks beside you
(X)-plains thing you don't understand
(Y)ells when you won't listen and
(Z)aps you back to reality


Source

Health Headlines 5/8/06

Antidepressant Medication May Prevent Recurring Depression In Diabetics ~ Click here.

Abundant Reinforcement Of Immune System Is Unhealthy ~ Click here.

Alzheimer's Disease - Independent Report Received On PBT2 Phase I Clinical Trial ~ Click here.

MUHC Study Reveals Vioxx Related Heart Attacks Can Occur Within The First Two Weeks Of Use ~ Click here.

Targeted Virus Compels Cancer Cells To Eat Themselves ~ Click here.

Inhibiting Cell Process May Give Cancer Drug A Boost ~ Click here.

Scientist Works To Improve Treatment For Brain Tumors ~ Click here.

Apoptosis Receptor Holds Potential As Urinary Marker For Bladder Cancer ~ Click here.

Activity Of Vinflunine In Patients With Metastatic Renal Cell Carcinoma (RCC): A Phase II Study ~ Click here.

Does Light-activated Drug Fulfill Early Promise In Prostate Cancer Treatment? Major MUHC Study ~ Click here.

Daily Inspiration

Lovely Coincidence
By Unknown Author

In 1945, there was a young boy of 14 in a concentration camp. He was tall, thin but had a bright smile. Every day, a young girl came by on the other side of the fence. She noticed the boy and asked him if he spoke Polish, and he said yes. She said he'd looked hungry, and he said he was. She then reached in her pocket and gave him her apple. He thanked her and she went on her way. The next day, she came by again, bringing with her another apple which she gave him. Each day, she walked by the outside of the fence, hoping to see him, and when she did, she happily handed him an apple in exchange for conversation.

One day, he told her not to come by anymore. He told her he was being shipped to another concentration camp. As he walked away with tears streaming down his face, he wondered if he'd ever see her again. She was the only kind soul he'd seen across the fence.

He made it out of the concentration camp, and immigrated to America. In 1957, his friends had fixed him up on a blind date. He had no idea who the woman was. He picked her up, and during dinner began talking of Poland and the concentration camp. She said she was in Poland at that time. She said she used to talk to a boy and gave him apples daily. He asked if this boy was tall, skinny and if he had told her that she shouldn't come back because he was leaving. She said yes.

It was her, the young girl who came by every day to give him apples. After 12 years, after the war and in another country.....they had met again. What are the odds? He proposed to her on that very night and told her he'd never again let her go. They are still happily married today.

Now that, my friends, is a love story. Miracles do happen, and there is a greater force at work in our lives.


Source

Health Headlines 5/6/06

Telik Announces Initiation Of New TELCYTA Phase 3 Clinical Trial And Updates Status Of Ongoing Phase 3 Ovarian Cancer Clinical Trials ~ Click here.

Study Shows Fish Oil To Be Safe And Effective For Neck And Back Conditions ~ Click here.

Inflammation Markers Identify Fatigue In Breast Cancer Survivors ~ Click here.

Possible Future Target For Delaying Or Stopping Alzheimer's Revealed By OHSU Research ~ Click here.

MDCT Shows Potential For Detecting Bladder Cancer Without Surgery Or Contrast ~ Click here.

Combination Of Genetic Mutation And Viral Infection May Cause Prostate Cancer ~ Click here.

A Surgery For Crohn's That Saves The Intestine ~ Click here.

Finding Strokes And Aneurysms Before They Occur ~ Click here.

Voyager Pharmaceutical Corporation Completes Second Phase II Clinical Study For Alzheimer's Disease ~ Click here.

IL-23 And IL-17: The Inflammatory Axis Of Evil ~ Click here.

To Avoid Stomach Upset In Arthritis Patients, Drug Combination More Effective ~ Click here.

Combining PET And CT Scans Makes Cancer Treatment More Accurate ~ Click here.

Therapeutic Gene Suspected To Cause Cancer ~ Click here.

Wow, time flies

Sorry about not posting my regular posts the past few days. It's been really busy here. I had my nephew spending the night Friday, my niece spending the night Saturday and then today she came over to help me with some cleaning. I didn't get a whole lot done. Yet I did get a few projects crossed off my list. Now comes the laundry part. Ew, I don't like doing laundry but it's one of the few household chores that I can do without too much trouble. Not much else has really been going on here in my little town in Indiana. The weather has been on the cool side for the past few days as well. That makes it feel like late fall instead of spring. Hopefully we'll get the warmer weather back soon.

I was able to work on my crocheted afghan some today. I have another couple of rows done. In all that makes nearly 180 rows. Still got some to go before it's finished. Keeps out of trouble though. Lol, I also finished a dragon puzzle for Chris to hang in the living room once the painting is finished. He's working on making it look like a castle room. He has to take it slow because of all that's been going on, so we have three walls painted with one to go. Then the "mortar" is going to be a different color than the "bricks" so they stand out. The shelves that hold the DVDs and dragon sculptures will be painted to look as though they are made out of wood. All in all it will be a very neat looking room once we get it finished. Of course, it's only the first room to be redecorated. We've got plenty others to do. I am reading through the Dragonlance series now. For some reason I have those books on the top of my list that I made. The easiest thing for me to do was to start at the top and work my way down. Of course, the larger books take me a few days more to finish than some of the smaller books, but it'll be worth it in the end. At least I think so. Today I worked on my "Bridget" story. I call it that because that is the name of the main character. I'm not exactly sure what type of story it's going to be at the moment but wherever it takes me, I'm willing to go. Still working on the edits for the Alan story. I really think it's starting to sound better and not so rushed. Other than those things, I talked to an old friend today. It completely made my day. I've known him for years and just recently got back in touch with him. There's something about friends from the past that make me feel really comfortable with being myself around them.

Hope all of you are having a great day/night wherever you are. Know you are loved and thought of at least once a day.
Love and blessings,
Kim

Daily Inspiration

Going With the Flow
By Unknown Author

A Taoist story tells of an old man who accidentally fell into the river rapids leading to a high and dangerous waterfall. Onlookers feared for his life. Miraculously, he came out alive and unharmed downstream at the bottom of the falls. People asked him how he managed to survive. "I accommodated myself to the water, not the water to me. Without thinking, I allowed myself to be shaped by it. Plunging into the swirl, I came out with the swirl. This is how I survived."


Source

Health Headlines 5/1/06

Genetic Finding Suggests Alternative Treatment Strategy For Common, Complex Skin Disorders ~ Click here.

Final Phase 2b Survival Results Of Stimuvax® Trial In Patients With Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer - Biomira Inc ~ Click here.

Gene Variations Linked To Brain Aneurysms ~ Click here.

Cure For Cancer Worth $50 Trillion ~ Click here.

Keeping Amyloid - And Alzheimer's - In Check ~ Click here.

Technique That Makes Brain Tumours Fluoresce Improves Surgical Outcome ~ Click here.

Clinical Utility Of Two Novel Genes That Can Identify Patients At Higher Risk For Early Breast Cancer Recurrence ~ Click here.

Herb Tested To Stop Breast Cancer Patients' Hot Flushes And Night Sweats ~ Click here.

Stanford Scientists Identify Protein Involved In Fast-spreading Cancers ~ Click here.

X-SCID Gene Therapy Poses Substantial Cancer Risk ~ Click here.