I've been a bad, bad girl...

Nope, not in that way! I just haven't updated my blog at all for over a week. I have felt really bad about not updating it either. But with all that has happened, I had to take a little rest from the internet and focus on getting a bit better. I have been checking my emails and all a little bit before today, just not done much in the way of blog stuff. I do apologize that it has been so long. Now on to what has kept me away from here for the past week or so. The Monday after Father's Day, I was awakened by a phone call early in the morning from my mom telling me that my brother, Billy, was coughing up blood and she had called the ambulance. She needed someone to come over and keep the dog out of the paramedics' way as well as to drive her over to the hospital after the ambulance was on its way there. This was definitely not the way I had wanted to be awakened. It had been nearly three years since Billy had to go to the hospital for coughing up blood or Lupus related problems. I woke Chris and we hurriedly got dressed before racing out of the house and over to her house. When I walked in, Billy was still coughing up some blood so I shooed Mom away from him. That way she could get dressed and things ready to go. I also wanted to keep Billy from freaking out. Off we went to the hospital where the doctors determined that it wasn't his lungs they were concerned about, but the fact his kidneys had shut down again causing the toxins in his blood to rise to a dangerously high level. Billy's blood was too thin to consider dialysis at that very moment, so they had to start getting his blood to thicken. Meanwhile, I made the obligatory phone calls, took Chris from Mom's house to our own house, and grabbed a book and things to do while sitting in the waiting room.

When I returned the hospital, my dad had gotten into town from work, and we did the waiting thing. That has to be the worst part about anything ~ the waiting. Finally Mom came out to say that they were taking him to ICU and that they couldn't wait any longer to do dailysis whether his blood was thickened enough or not. The toxin level was too high. Thankfully over the next couple of days, his body responded well to the dialysis. In fact, he was moved to a regular room in the hospital by that Tuesday night. Wednesday, I took Mom to the hospital and decided to stick around to pester Billy for a little bit. His kidney doctors confirmed that the Lupus had NOT gone to his kidneys and that he basically has really touchy kidneys. They are going to work on finding a balace between his water pills and fluid intack. I was also there when the pulminary doctor came into his room. Tuesday, Billy had an echocaridogram done. The results showed that there was some possible damage to the right side of his heart. They had done everything they could except for a heart catheterization. The doctor did not want to perform that because Billy's body has been through a lot of trauma over the past ten, almost eleven, years. He's been on the ventilator 15 times, had several blood clots in his lungs and has ballooned in weight due to being on prescription steriods (Prednisone). With all those factors combined, the doctor was really concerned about doing it. If anything, no matter how small, had gone wrong with the procedure, the doctor was almost certain that Billy would not pull through. His body was just too weak from everything at that time. Needless to say, I came home Wednesday evening, very scared that I was going to lose my little brother. I did email everyone to let them know what was going on and then I sat in my "sacred space" to meditate and focus on sending healing energies his way.

I have spent much of the past five years trying to come to terms with all that has happened in my life as well as the impact Billy's sickness has had on my life. It's not always been bad and yet it's not always been good. I will say that if things hadn't gone the way they have, I would not be the person I am today. He's taught me that no matter what life throws at you, there's always a choice to make the day a good one or a bad one. I try to not let the things I go through everyday make me a bitter person so that I can spread a little laughter and smiles around to others who are having a not so good day. Throughout everything, he's kept smiling and making other laugh because it makes him feel good. That's not to say he doesn't have those days or moments when he gets down over all that has happened. I think anyone who doesn't feel depressed over major things aren't allowing themselves to really feel what's going on with them. It's a natural feeling. It's one more thing that my brother and I share in this world. It has also given me the courage to be who I am meant to be. That means going against the perceived "norms" that society has when it comes my beliefs and my desires for my life. The fact that they have brought me good things thus far and given me hope in the darkest hours of my life only reinforces what I have felt all along. I held on to that faith and had a couple friends bonk me in the head to get me back to reality of the situation (thanks guys!) and spent most of the day at the hospital on Thursday last week.

The procedure was scheduled to be done at 10 a.m. but there were a few emergency heart surgeries that had to be done. Therefore, Billy's heart cath wasn't done until after 4 p.m. that day. The one bad thing was the thunderstorm that rolled through just as he was sent down to the surgery department. After about 45 minutes, the surgeon came out and talked to my parents and I about the procedure and how it went. Once they got into the procedure, everything did go smoothly. Not only that but the surgeon was unable to find anything wrong with Billy's heart. The structures looked awesome and there wasn't a big difference in the pressure created when the heart pumps. There was a small bit of high pressure in the lowest portion of Billy's lungs which the doctors expected with all that has gone on in the past few years. Within a few days after that procedure, Billy was well enough to come home. He's been doing great every since. I am hoping that this last hospital trip was a wake-up call for him to get moving and get healthy. I need to do the same thing and I have been making small changes and sticking to them. It's a good thing all the way around. It took me a few days to recover from sitting out at the hospital. My feet and hands were really swollen. So now I'm able to keep up with what I'm supposed to be doing. I hope that all of you out there know I have been keeping you all in my thoughts and hoping that good things are coming your way. Hang in there.

Love and blessings,
Kim

Not a long post today.

My pain has reached the overwhelming level. Whatever storm system is coming this way is taking its sweet time. Doesn't help that I tried to do a load of laundry yesterday. I know I should have rested but I wanted to take advantage of the beautiful weather and put the towels out on our clothesline. I am grounded to the bed or the couch with my feet up and doing nothing today. Lol, I will try and post a regular post tomorrow. Take care, dear friends.

Love and blessings,
Kim

Health Headlines 6/16/06

Patients With Treatment-Resistant Leukemia Achieve High Responses To Tasigna(R) (nilotinib) In First Published Clinical Trial Results ~> Click here.

Risk Of Infertility In Women Triples After Common Inflammatory Bowel Disease Surgery ~> Click here.

Overcoming The Debilitating Loss Of A Loved One ~> Click here.

Abnormal Glucose Metabolism May Contribute To Chronic Nerve Disorder ~> Click here.

Acupuncture Relieves Symptoms Of Fibromyalgia, Mayo Clinic Study Finds ~> Click here.

Meditation May Improve Cardiac Risk Factors In Patients With Coronary Heart Disease ~> Click here.

Activation Of MicroRNA Inhibits Cancer Gene In Human Cancer Cells ~> Click here.

Indiana Seed Fund Invests In Breast Cancer Detection Startup Company ~> Click here.

GlaxoSmithKline Announces Expanded Indication For Hycamtin(R) To Treat Cervical Cancer In Combination Chemotherapy ~> Click here.

I'm getting spoiled!

Yep. I am. No, not by Chris but by Mother Nature. The weather the past few days has been so beautiful. I went out this morning about an hour ago to sit on the front porch and read until my medicine kicked in. It was then that I decided to get the camera and take a picture of the beautiful morning we're having. I forgot to take the date stamp off so the pictures I have taken over the past week all have the same date on them. Lol, oh well. I know when they were taken atleast. The picture was taken while I was standing on my porch near the front door. That ivy has grown up all on its own and has begun to cover the fence without prodding. I think it looks beautiful. So natural in a way. The blue spruce is my favorite tree in our yard. I was thrilled when we first looked at the house and I saw it there. My grandmother's house had a blue spruce where doves would nest. So many wonderful memories at that house. It's hard to believe that I won't be able to take my family there anymore. I can't imagine how my grandmother feels knowing the home she worked so hard for is now in the hands of another family.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about what I want to do as far as my life is concerned. I know this blog has become a major part of my life that I don't really know what I'd do without at this point. Believe me, I have been told that a lot of my entries have been boring. I know that. I warned all the readers out there in the first few posts that this wasn't going to be a blog based on anything other than my life and my experiences with Psoriatic Arthritis and how it has affected me. I can't promises tales of excitement or adventure because my definitions of those words when it comes to my life have changed. I have moments when I look back and see what all I have had to give up with this disease. Because the arthritis has chosen my hands and feet to settle into, I'm pretty much limited in what I can do. I am no longer able to run and play sports such as baseball or football. I can no longer do something as simple as play jump rope or take long walks in a park with Chris. I can barely make it around the block with Chris when he takes Dudley for a walk. My hands keep me from washing most dishes or cleaning things that require a steady hand. The medication I have taken has really made my short term memory almost vanish on some days as well as increased my accident-prone nature tenfold. My physical limitations are enough to drive anyone else into bed, pulling the covers over his/her head and letting the world pass by without another glance or care. For me, the phyiscal limitations are now something that I'm striving to overcome. I have been giving the opportunity to let my mind grew in knowledge, logical and anything else that I can feed myself intellectually. Maybe one day, I can write here and say that I was able to walk more than a mile with pride because I will have overcome the limitation of the arthritis in my feet. One day I may be able to write here that my writings have been published thus overcoming the limitation the arthritis has set in my hands. Until those days come, my blog will be about the little victories that I gain from waking up and being able to take a shower on my own or fixing my own lunch without Chris. If that is boring, then I'm guilty.

Today is so pretty. I don't have much planned to do today. It's also a Celebrex day. I think it's going to rain soon because I'm growing stiffer with each hour that passes so far. Hopefully the rain will hold off for a little while longer so I can let Dudley go play in the yard. I hate keeping him in the house all the time because he has so much fun playing withe bunnies and the birds that visit my yard everyday. I did finish book #26 and began the next one. This one is a true crime book written by Ann Rule. She's really good at taking a case and giving it life as the people in it once had before the defining moment changed everything. It's pretty good so far. I wrote for about an hour and a half total yesterday. Mostly just transferring parts of a story that I had written on scrap pieces of paper into a notebook where I can have everything together in one place. Hopefully I will do a bit more on it later today. Seems like a good day just to write. Hope all of my readers are having a good day wherever they are. Just remember that I keep you all in my thoughts daily. Take care.

Love and blessings,

Kim

Health Headlines 6/15/06

Lack Of Key Enzyme Associated With Development Of Rare Tumor ~ Click here.

Hebrew University Scientists Develop Potential New Epilepsy Drug ~ Click here.

New Molecule That Targets Leukemia And Lymphoma Cells Reported By UC Davis Researchers ~ Click here.

Breast Cancer, Osteoporosis And Bone Cancer Treatment Drugs May Cause Jawbone To Rot ~ Click here.

FDA Grants Fast Track Status To MyVax(R) Personalized Immunotherapy For Follicular Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma ~ Click here.

Radiation Therapy Shown To Increase Survival In Certain Lung Cancer Patients ~ Click here.

A Sweet Solution For Alzheimer's Disease? ~ Click here.

Encouraging Results For Folic Acid As A Cancer Prevention Drug ~ Click here.

Beautiful Day Today...

It is really a beautiful day. Actually more of a beautiful morning when I was awake just as the sun was coming up. Good thing about pain medication is that it doesn't take a lot to knock me out. That was something I needed last night for certain. I was able to do a load of laundry yesterday but it really took all my strength to do it. I even folded the laundry once it was finished drying for the first time in a long while. I didn't get to put it away though because my back was screaming at me to sit down and stop doing things. I finished the day off with a few more chapters being read as well as writing a bit more on one of my stories. The last time I looked at the alarm clock it was just a little after midnight. I didn't remember anything until I woke up this morning around seven. Chris couldn't sleep through the night because he was having muscle spasms in his back. I'm going to have to remind him to tell his doctor about them when he sees the doctor later this month. They become more frequent over the past week. I don't know if they are part of the same origion (reaction from the chemo) or something new.

The sun was out in full effect this morning. The early hours were really pretty to be outside or on the front porch. It took me about an hour this morning to get moving without a lot of pain. Not as long as it did yesterday but still longer than I'd like to spend doing stretches and other exercises just to move. I had made up my Miracle Grow and water solution last night in a small watering can so I could water my rose bushes after I woke up. That's pretty much all I have finished for the day. I do have a load of towels in the washer. Once I get those done, I probably will be stuck in my chair the rest of the day. I'm still glad to just be able to do a few things. Makes me feel useful. Yes, before I get lectures out there, I know I'm useful in other ways. I don't have much else planned for the day so I might just spend it reading or writing. Not going to be indoors the whole time. I have a little tray table that sits out on the front porch in case I want to spend time out there. I've been letting Dudley go out and just lay in the grass whenever I can because I don't want him to be constantly stuck in the house. Besides, he likes to harrass the birds in the yard just as much as they like to harrass him.

I'm off to check on the laundry in the washer. I hope everyone is having a good day filled with many smiles and much laughter. I am glad to hear that Tropical Storm Alberto hasn't done a lot of damage down in Florida. I was really worried about a good friend of mine who lives close to Clearwater. Seeing an email in my inbox this morning definitely made me feel better about her being there. I'm also keeping a fellow writer friend of mine in my thoughts. He has had a death in the family of a young life. So if you could say a prayer or two for them, I'd appreciate it. Hang in there.

Love and blessings,
Kim

Health Headlines 6/13/06

Warfarin Remains Gold-standard For Preventing Stroke In Patients With Heart Abnormality ~ Click here.

Protein From The Wrong Side Of The Tracks Aids Cancer Virus ~ Click here.

FDA Announces Approval Of HPV Vaccine Gardasil ~ Click here.

The HPV Vaccine - Is It For Me? Pathologists Help Explain Who Should Receive The New Vaccine ~ Click here.

FDA Approves Wellbutrin XL(R) (bupropion HCl Extended-release Tablets) For The Prevention Of Seasonal Major Depressive Episodes ~ Click here.

Diagnostic Breakthrough For Burkitt Lymphoma Reported In NEJM ~ Click here.

Just another manic Monday...

The picture to the right goes out to all the people who have been stopping by this little blog of mine. Though many of you don't leave comments, I do appreciate the fact that you've been stopping in for a few seconds to see what it's all about. Big hugs goes out to those of my family who have stopped in. I didn't think you guys noticed I had been giving the link out. Nice to know you would support me.

Today is going to be a hard day to get through for me. Not because of anything major. Just a lot of little things that need to be done and too much stiffness and pain to do them. I took a nap yesterday which messed up my sleep schedule almost entirely. I didn't fall back to sleep until 5:30 am and woke back up around ten this morning. It took me about an hour and a half to really getting to the point where I'd be able to move without a lot of pain or stiffness. Right now the level is tolerable but I have a feeling with the tropical storm threatening landfall and the storm system to the west of Indiana, I'm not going to be feeling anything but pain for a while. It's definitely not something that I would wish on my worst enemy. There's a bunch of housework that I've been putting off for a few days because I haven't had the energy or felt like doing it. All I've wanted to do the past few days has been rest though I've tried to do a load or two of laundry or pick up the living room. I haven't dusted or anything like that in a few weeks. To be honest, it takes me nearly two weeks to do what some people can do in a day. I have to work a little bit, sit down for 15 to 20 minutes and then try to get a bit more done before I have to sit down again. By the second or third time resting, my back is hurting to the point where I can't stand or sit comfortably for an hour or more. It's truly frustrating to me to look back on my youth and see what I was doing ten or fifteen years ago compared to now. I feel as though I am an eighty year old woman sitting here doing nothing except what I can to keep my mind for walking out on me. Okay, enough feeling sorry for myself. On with the posting!

I'm going to try and do some things around the house today. Maybe a load of laundry and putting a few dishes in the dishwasher (that thing is a treasure!) if I'm able. Most likely I'm going to work on the afghan a little more. I did manage to get Chris convinced that I needed more yarn to finish it completely without having to take it apart again. Lol, he promptly went to the store last night and bought three more skeins of the soft navy that I have been using. There goes my excuse for not finishing it this year. Lol! Once I do some work on that, I'm going to work on my cross-stitch. The bad thing is that someone spilled soda on it. I'm going to have to wash it to see if I can get the stain out. If not, I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it. I may be able to cover the stain with a matting once I frame it but I'm not sure at this point. There's still about ten more cross-stitch projects that I have to do anyways. Not like I won't have any if I don't finish the Native American one. My reading is still coming along nicely. I'm already about halfway through with book #26 and hoping to finish it in the next day or two. Only 74 more books to be read by the end of December. No biggie. Lol!

I hope everyone out there is having a good day. I know that times have been rough for a lot of my friends, both online and in real life. The bad times always stick out in our minds because of the hurt they bring. But there are good times. So please hold on and keep going. I'm always there with you every step of the way.

Love and blessings,
Kim

Inspiration

Dig a Little Deeper
By Unknown Author

There's a story about the California gold rush that tells of two brothers who sold all they had and went prospecting for gold. They discovered a vein of the shining ore, staked a claim, and proceeded to get down to the serious business of getting the gold ore out of the mine. All went well at first, but then a strange thing happened. The vein of gold ore disappeared! They had come to the end of the rainbow, and the pot of gold was no longer there. The brothers continued to pick away, but without succes. Finally, they gave up in disgust.

They sold their equipment and claim rights for a few hundred dollars, and took the train back home. Now the man who bought the claim hired an engineer to examine the rock strata of the mine. The engineer advised him to continue digging in the same spot where the former owners had left off. And three feet deeper, the new owner struck gold.

A little more persistence and the two brothers would have been millionaires themselves. That's gold in you too. Do you need to dig three feet farther?


Source

Health Headlines 6/12/06

Unfavourable Blood Fat Levels Predict Rheumatoid Arthritis Up To 10 Years Later ~ Click here.

Big Changes Urged To Stop Diabetes From Overwhelming The Health Care System ~ Click here.

Januvatiom Phase III Studies Showed Significantly Reduced Blood Sugar Levels When Used As Monotherapy Or Add-On Treatment For Diabetes Type 2 ~ Click here.

Over One Million People With Severe Disabilities Stranded Without Medicare Coverage, USA ~ Click here.

HuMax-CD38 Shows Unique Property In Preclinical Studies ~ Click here.

Dia-B Believes Bark Could Help Diabetes Sufferers ~ Click here.

Cloudy Sunday

The picture says it all. Welcome to the blog of me and my life. Up until yesterday I was trying to maintain to versions of this blog. Ultimately I knew that I would have to make a decision and only keep one of them. It wasn't an easy time deciding as I had the other blog for a bit longer than this one. However, I knew that it was time to simplify things a bit more. So welcome to Stepping Stones!

I'm hoping to keep up with the daily posts. Not too sure if things will come up unannounced as they are used to doing in my life. That's just the way my life goes anymore. I plan on something and a different thing takes place. I try not to plan much in advance because of the whole deal. So we'll see what happens. I'm hoping that by doing the daily posts I can see where I need to re-evaluate things in my personal life. How's that for trying to grow?

Today was a really slow day. Mostly cloudy and rainy off and on. So I wasn't able to do anything outside even though I felt a little better than I have in the past couple of days. I wasn't as stiff and swollen but I could tell that my feet weren't their usual size. It's pretty bad when you go to put on shoes that you bought a half size bigger don't fit because your feet are so swollen. I didn't wear my shoes at all today after that. I didn't want to deal with the pain I knew I would be in if I did. Chris and I had the nephew, B, stay the night last night to get him out of the house for a bit. They played on their computers for a long while. I tried to teach myself some new stitches in crochet but they haven't turned out very well. Guess I'm going to have to keep trying. I just don't want to be stuck using the same stitches over and over. That gets a bit boring. Overall, it was a lazy Sunday here. Just a day to relax and regroup.

Before I end this post today (since it's nearly midnight and I need to get in bed soon), I just wanted to let you all know something awesome that happened yesterday. I got a phone call from a writer for the local paper and woman's magazine that is published in my town and a couple of other papers in towns nearby. She wanted to talk to me about my blog. I had completely forgotten that I had called them a few months ago when there was a request in the paper looking for local people who blog. I honestly was surprised but in a good way. She asked me about the blog and why I do it, how often. The usual reporter stuff. I don't know if it's going to be used in an article or when it will be published. She didn't ask any really personal information so I'm safe. Yay for me! Hopefully I will be able to have a picture of an article to show you all. We'll have to wait and see.

Hope all of you had a good day/evening. Take care and know someone cares!
Love and blessings,
Kim

Health Headlines 6/11/06

Millennium Files SNDA For VELCADE(R) (Bortezomib) For Injection In Treatment Of Relapsed Or Refractory Mantle Cell Lymphoma ~ Click here.

Spending On Specialty Drugs On The Rise, Expected To Double By 2009, Express Scripts Says ~ Click here.

Gene Discovery Opens Door To Tackling Disease ~ Click here.

Georgetown Research Leads To First Cancer Vaccine ~ Click here.

SMAD4 And PTEN Play Key Roles In Liver Cancer Initiation ~ Click here.

T Cell Activity During The Immune Response: What Regulates The Regulators? ~ Click here.

Daydreaming on a Saturday morning....

Hello again, dear readers. Sorry that I have missed the past couple of days in writing to you. I have had the worst time with feeling really stiff and pain in every step that I made myself rest until I felt good enough to do even the smallest thing. The picture you see there was taken the day of our big cook-out here. I had help in planting this rose bush in the front yard. Chris and our nephew, B, put the little stonework fence around the flowerbed a day or two before the cook-out. There is a second rose bush to the right of this one at the other corner. I'm hoping that they will bloom next year. I don't expect them to bloom this year, but if they do, I will definitely get pictures of the lovely blooms for you all.

The weather is a little on the icky side today. We are forecasted to have scattered showers. As much pain as I have been in, one would think we'd have something to be compared to when Noah had to build his ark! But it's only rained slightly so far today. Just enough to get the ground wet. I'm hoping to start on laundry here in a little bit. Most likely after I finish this post. I had wanted to work on the flower bed a bit, but I can't get down on the ground even if I wanted to right now. Not very exciting day planned, I'm afraid. As I have cruised through a lot of other blogs, I've noticed how plain and boring mine may seem when compared to others. It doesn't bother me though as this is the story of my life as I live it. I'm sure that others who have kept blogs have found their own to be boring a time or two. There's something to be said of being persistant though.

I was able to work on my afghan a little more over the past couple of days. I'm slowly getting near that finish line. Chris will be so happy when it's finished. He's been wanting to use it now for the past two winters. Lol, it really is warm. That's why I can only stand to do a few lines at a time during the day. Chris went to a yard sale yesterday and found a really nice sewing machine complete with bobbins, extra needles and some thread for $40. Before he left with it, he had plugged it in to see if it would work. It works just fine. So now I have a sewing machine that works and I can do all sorts of little projects that I have been wanting to try. I plan on finishing the cross-stitch project and the afghan before starting anything else. Lol, I'd never hear the end of it if I didn't. I'm also pretty proud of myself. I just finished reading book #26 last night. I know that it's no where near the 50 books that I had said I would read by the end of this month, but I hadn't counted on all the interruptions either. I think even getting 30 books read by the end of June will be a great thing for me to accomplish. I still have until the end of December to have read 100 books. I think it will be a bit easier to do now that I've gotten quite a few of the large books out of the way. That's what I call books who have more than 300 pages. So we'll see.

I am off to begin laundry and the other housework that I can do before I can't do anything all together. Hope you all are having a wonderful day or evening wherever you are. Take care.
Love and blessings,
Kim

Health Headlines 6/10/06

Hopkins Researchers Discover Potential New Approach To Treating Diabetes ~ Click here.

COX Enzymes Work Together In Ways That Suggest New Biological Roles, Drug Targets ~ Click here.

Herceptin Recommended For All Early Stage Breast Cancer Patients, UK ~ Click here.

More Doctors Have Access To Health Information Technology, But Many Do Not Use It, Study Says ~ Click here.

New Research On The Mechanisms That Control Blood Cells Of Acute Myelogenous Leukemia Patients May Lead To Better Targeted Therapies ~ Click here.

Ordinary Day

Today is just an ordinary day for me. Nothing too special about it yet it's not filled with boredom either. We had three or four good sized thunderstorms come through our state yesterday. In fact, there were reports of a tornado to the south of where I live. They haven't been confirmed yet but I'm glad that there weren't many hurt from it, no matter if it's declared a tornado or not. Today it's still a little on the humid side but not too bad. Nice enough to sit out on the screened porch and watch the little birds fly in and out of the yard without having to fan myself. I woke up around eight this morning. Odd for me since I've been sleeping until ten or eleven. I believe I'm starting to get back on my sleep schedule. Yay! Insomnia and odd sleeping schedules don't help me when I have so many things to get down around this house. Seems as though it never ends. Housework, I mean. I don't plan on doing a lot today. I am going to work on my writing for a bit and let Chris use the computer for the most part today. If it doesn't rain later this afternoon/early evening, I may try and weed the flower bed and tend to the rose bushes we planted a few weeks ago. We did put a weed barrier down, but some sneaky weeds have begun to grow.

As you can tell from my last few posts, I've been doing a lot of self-evaluating here lately. Trying to figure out where I stand on what matters most to me and also trying to figure out why I let things happen they way they do. It may not sound that exciting but for me, it is a huge step out of my comfort zone. I've been living a life filled with stress and physical/emotional pain due to the fact that I have been trying to please everyone in my life except for myself. I have left me out of knowing who I am. That's why I have been rambling and trying to pull myself into focus. I need to find myself and live my life the way it was intended for me to live. I'm extremely scared that I will lose the love and acceptance of family members and some close friends. But I know that the little things that make up the whole me are just that. Little things. If someone is willing to not talk to me or take part in my life because they disagree with something I believe in or do, then they were never really wanting to be in my life for me. Before I had to stop my counselling due to financial reasons, the counselor and I were talking about doing things for myself and bringing myself out of this hermit-like place I built so that I didn't have to associate with people. One of the things I was supposed to do was to do something out of the house once a week. There have been several things that have kept me from doing that particular exercise. Not all of them have been important either. I was and am stalling. Why? Because seeing myself excel and fly away from this way of living will take away my excuses.

Does that make sense? I hope it does. Not everything that rambles through this mind of mine makes sense, even to me. If you out there have some suggestions, feel free to comment and let me know. I do appreciate them. Hope each of you has a wonderful day wherever you are. Take care!

Love and blessings,
Kim

Health Headlines 6/8/06

Study Compares Treatment Options For Patients With Brain Metastases ~ Click here.

How Cancer Cells Stay Young And Aggressive ~ Click here.

Alexion Announces Pre-Clinical Results With Novel Anti-Cancer Antibody; Treatment Against New Potential Cancer To Stop Leukemia Tumor Growth ~ Click here.

Hopkins Researchers Discover Potential New Approach To Treating Diabetes ~ Click here.

Move Your Arms To Beat Leg Pain, Study Says ~ Click here.

Blood Pressure Drugs Linked To Birth Defects ~ Click here.

A Little Late...

I do know that I'm late with my post today. I couldn't help it. Blogger was down for some reason each time I tried until about ten minutes ago. I was going to be really sad if I couldn't get my post done today. I'm trying really hard to keep up with the daily posts as I have done before. The picture to the left is one that I took a couple months ago of the afghan that I am crocheting. Yes, it's the same afghan I had talked about before that's taken more than six years to finish. Each time I would have a little extra money to buy a few more skeins of yarn, the company I was buying from would have discontinued making the color I needed. I started with the navy fleck (the littlest color you see in the picture) and has to add a dark navy. Then the company stopped making the dark navy color. I finally decided to use a soft navy which matches fairly well with the other colors. The other good thing about the soft navy color is that it's a standard color so they won't be stopping production of it any time soon. Therefore, I'm safe to finish the afghan. Chris has been waiting on it for so long. I'm not doing anything fancy with the stitches. Just using the basic single stitch all the way across (one row of stitches numbers 700). He wanted it as close and warm as I could get it. Believe me, it's warm! I'll post another picture when I have it finished. I can say that it's nearly finished, over half way done.

Today was an odd day to say the least. I was unable to sleep much again last night as we had a weather system approaching Indiana. It made me stiff and achey beyond what I'm used to having to deal with. I finally fell asleep around six this morning only to wake up about five hours later. Chris couldn't sleep much so he played on the computer for awhile. I gave my mom a ride home from her work. I came home to play on the computer while Chris took a nap for a few hours. Also had a wonderful chat with a newfound friend. With each chat we have, I can feel myself being challenged to think about things in a way I hadn't done so before. That's an excellent thing for me to be doing right now in my life. Of course, with Blogger being down, Chris asked if he could finish up a few things that he was doing online after he woke from his nap. I then started on another book toward my reading goal. Not much writing except for my offline journal today. Hopefully I can work on some stories tomorrow. I have a rheumy appointment on Friday. I'm a little nervous because I am supposed to have x-rays taken of my hands and feet as well as hear his decision (as well as that of the company who makes the Enbrel) whether I can continue taking the Enbrel. I am now taking the Celebrex every other day which is much more than I used to. While taking the Enbrel, I didn't have to take the Celebrex often at all. So we'll see what he says.

Hope all is well out there with everyone. Please take care of yourselves.
Love and blessings,
Kim

Health Headlines 6/7/06

Cancer-reducing Benefits Of Preventive Surgery May Be Specific To Gene Mutation ~ Click here.

Clinical Trial Confirms Novel EGFR Antibody Targets Tumors But Not Normal Tissues ~ Click here.

Physical Activity Linked To Improved Glucose Control In Children With Type 1 Diabetes ~ Click here.

Glivec Helps 90% Of Myeloid Leukaemia Patients Live 5 Years Or More ~ Click here.

Experimental HPV Vaccine Also Protects Against Vaginal, Vulvar Cancers, Study Says ~ Click here.

Cancer Drug Extends Cognitive Function In Patients With Brain Metastases ~ Click here.

Yes, we know what today is...

It's the awful 6/6/06! Run! Hide!

Not. It's just another day. Really. Yes, the date does seem bad. I wonder if in 1906 there was as much hysteria and hype about the world coming to an end as there has been for the past couple of days. It's a rare oddity. It will happen again in 2106. Everyone just calm down. Trust in whatever faith you hold close to your heart. If the world does it, would it really be a bad thing with the way the state of affairs has been going as of late?

Okay, enough mini-rant. I'm not feeling well today. I could not sleep last night at all because there's a storm system coming toward Indiana. I really wish that scientists would study the correlation between the barometric pressure changes and the increase/decrease in pain for people suffering with arthritis of any type. There's a connection there. I can always tell when the weather is going to shift although it could happen one to three days from the moment I feel the change happening. I have since talked with a lot of different arthritis patients and they have all mentioned something along the same lines as what I go through. In the end, it's all about the pain really. It sucks. I finally fell asleep around 10 am and woke up a few hours ago. I had a lot of little things planned to do today. I know I still have time to get some of them done. I just feel like I've missed out on some stuff while off in dreamland. The weather was really pretty today. It wasn't too hot that you couldn't enjoy sitting out on a screened porch. There was just the right amount of breeze blowing through. Chris and a friend did some work on the yard, mowing and trimming along the fence. The only request I had for him was that he didn't blow any of the cut grass into the new area that I'm designated as my flowerbed in the front of the house. I haven't been back outside to see if he complied or not, but he said he'd try which means he did his best not to do it.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about what makes me the person I am as of late. I'm not sure if it is something that has been caused by the few counselling sessions or if it's something that naturally happens as we get older. I have a few people who are my age or a little older going through similar situations right now. I was talking with Chris the other night about things that were on my mind when it hit me that I'm basically entering into a new phase of my life. No longer can I blame my decisions or bad choices on the impatient little youth. I feel as though I'm no longer in the adolescent phase of my life. I now claim entrance into realm of adulthood. I've been reflecting on what direction my life is going in. There have been changes over the years and to some people, they will be considered in the "not for the good" changes. Just because they aren't the sort of changes they would have chosen doesn't mean that the changes aren't good for me. This is my life. The beliefs and ideals that I hold are those that mean most to me. Maybe one of these days I will feel comfortable enough to talk about those beliefs and ideals. I'm still wrestling with the feeling I'll lose those I love if I become the person I know I'm supposed to become. So, we'll see.

Hope all of you out there are having a lovely day/evening wherever you are. Take care of yourselves.
Love and blessings,
Kim

Health Headlines 6/6/06

New Study Re-evaluates Cardiovascular Risks Of Non-steroidal Anti-inflammatory Drugs (NSAIDS) ~ Click here.

Combination Therapy Shows Promising Results In Patients With Advanced Lung Cancer ~ Click here.

Study Evaluates Benefits And Risks Of Tamoxifen And Raloxifene For Reducing Risk Of Breast Cancer ~ Click here.

Researchers Announce New Predictor For Lung Cancer Treatment And Survival ~ Click here.

Tumor Response May Not Be Best Measure Of Efficacy In Non-small Cell Lung Cancer Treatment ~ Click here.

Markey Cancer Center Receives FDA Approval To Test Novel Cancer Drug, University Of Kentucky ~ Click here.

Rage Disorder Affects 7.3 Per Cent Of US Adults ~ Click here.

Sunny today

It's been a long hard road but I'm starting to get things back into a routine. I lost my way a few days ago. I do know that part of the reason lies within the time period. You see, two years ago we lost a very special person in our lives. Chris' grandmother passed away after so many years of giving us laughter and a sense of direction. She literally was the matriarch of his family. I found myself talking to her on a number of occasions and it seemed that we were two women of the same age, sitting and chatting about things done in the old days. She often told me that I had the soul of an old woman. I will never forget how she made me feel as though I was already a part of the family from the day I started to date Chris. Never once did she say or do anything that would make me not want to be near her. Two years ago, we went up to Indianapolis because the family had called us when she had begun to decline in health. The Indy 500 was going on just a few blocks away from the hospital where we were staying. Before we entered into the hospital room, we were told not to worry if she spoke weird things or seemed crazy to us. Yet the very second we walked into the room, she woke up and said "It's about time you two got here."

I gave Chris a lot of time with her because it was his grandmother. Then I went up to her and hugged her, thanking her for allowing me to know her. We left that room and it wasn't more than a couple hours later, a severe thunderstorm came over us. The tornado sirens sounded causing the hospital staff to usher us out into the hallways, away from windows where we could have been injured. There was a tornado spotted a few miles away from the hospital. In fact, it was one of the worst that Indianapolis had seen for awhile. Deep in my soul, I knew Mama had gone home with the angels. She went out with a bang. Her body lasted a few more days before completely giving out. We buried her in Kentucky next to her husband and son. She's there keeping them in line and playing cards, taking all she can get. It's always near this time of year when I stop and remember her for what wonderful advice she had given me and the comfort she provided for me when I needed it the most. I miss you, Mama. More than words could ever express.

Today, I'm catching up with emails and other things that I have neglected for too long. It's bright and sunny outside but I feel swollen and stiff. I'm thinking there's a weather system out to the west of Indiana causing some havoc and coming my way. We'll see. I usually feel the change in pressure a few days before it actually happens. Chris is busy doing some cleaning. I'm still on a partial "grounding" from doing too much after working so hard on the house a couple weeks ago. My body is still healing itself from having been pushed so far over its limit. I'm working steadily on my reading goal. I know now that I won't make it to the 50 books that I had set to have been read by the end of this month but that doesn't tarnish the achievement of 25 books so far. I still have the month of June to read through. So we'll see where I end up at the end of the month. Hope all is well with everyone out there. Remember to take care of yourselves and know that you are loved.

Love and blessings,
Kim

Health Headlines 6/5/06

Tykerb Helps Stall Advanced Breast Cancer, Says Glaxo ~ Click here.

Von Eschenbach To Resign As National Cancer Institute Director This Month, USA ~ Click here.

Better Survival Seen For Early Breast Cancer Patients Switched From Tamoxifen To Aromasin ~ Click here.

Lilly Breast Cancer Studies Explore Potential Role Of Pharmacogenomics In Customizing Chemotherapy ~ Click here.

Study Explores Use Of PROCRIT(R) (Epoetin Alfa) Once Every Two Weeks As Initiation Treatment For Chemotherapy-Related Anemia ~ Click here.

Kidney Cancer Patients Live Longer With Temsirolimus And Sutent ~ Click here.

Favorable Results With Lacosamide For Use In Diabetic Neuropathic Pain ~ Click here.

Breast Cancer Patients Benefit From Yoga ~ Click here.